meri (broken_gizmo) wrote,

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[tmi] stupid body.

As some of you know, I have a serious problem with extremely painful menstrual cramps, of the "curl up and scream and want to die for two or three days" variety. This has been a problem ever since I started having a period, back ... hell, I was living in Japan, at the first house, so I must have been 10 or 11. I spent years suffering, and then, shortly after I came to Virginia, I started getting Depo Provera shots, and lo! No more periods!

I spent five years free of periods, and it was wonderful. But, Depo doesn't come without its side effects, including, oh, weight gain. And joint problems. And anxiety issues. You know, all those things that I really didn't need any help with at all. So, I came off the Depo last year, switching to Ortho Evra (the birth control patch), and started having periods again. And guess what? They still sucked.

I spent a few months spending a few days of each month wanting to die, and talked to my nurse practioner, and since we had discussed this beforehand, we had a plan laid out. I would start being on the patch continuously (instead of three weeks on, one week off, I would go to 11 weeks on, one week off), and have periods quarterly.

This week was the first of my 'one week off' timeframes since I've gone to the quarterly plan. Only tonight has my body figured out what's going on (I switch patches on Mondays, normally), and is letting me know that, while I may have managed to avoid the unpleasantness for a while, it will get its revenge. It's only been an hour or two since the twinges started, and I've taken two soma and 3 advil, and can barely sit up. I am only sitting because I tried lying down, and found that I couldn't do so without whimpering.

How do people actually do this, month after month, year after year? How did I ever do this? Isn't enough that the hassle and the mess and the inconvenience plague us, but that we have to have this awful injustice of pain lumped into the process as well? And, damnit, I never want to have children! I don't have a need for an endometrial layer! This is so not fair.

So, I am going to go and whuggle a heating pad, and take more soma, and pray that I can sleep at some point. The temptation to go back on the Depo is strong, but I am finally managing to lose weight (25 pounds since October!) and finally getting my anxiety back into check, so I don't want to lose the ground I've gained there. Anyone have any other ideas? :/

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